The Traveling Saleswoman

Other consultants who send me their newsletters written ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS LIKE THEY ARE YELLING AT ME and including such spelling and grammatical gems as:

COME CELEBRATE THE BEGINNING OF SUMMER AND HAVE THAT PARTY YOU’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT AND PUTTING OFF FOR AWHILE.

NOT QUITE READY FOR A PARTY, YOU CAN SET UP AN ONLINE PARTY (LIKE A BOOK PARTY BUT BETTER) YOU SINE UP LIKE A PARTY THROUGH THE WEBSITE AND YOUR GUESTS CAN LOOK UP YOUR PARTY AND ORDER PRODUCTS AND STILL HAVE EVERYTHING SHIPPED DIRECTLY TO THEM AND YOU GET THE THE HOSTESS CREDIT.

When my company promises to release information on a certain date/time and then fails to do that, without even offering an explanation for the delay. They are always telling us to “underpromise and overdeliver” when it comes to our customers, an approach which I heartily endorse - I just wish it applied to their corporate announcements as well.

I hardly needed to bring my kit to last night’s party - the hostess already had so many of our products in her house, I could have done my presentation with just what she had lying around! Most of the guests were past attendees as well, so I had to work hard to keep their interest and present things in a new and fresh way. I don’t mind this - it keeps me on my toes. But I had to laugh when I was presenting the specials and people kept saying, “Already got that. Got that last year. Have that one too.” I got a booking for later this month, and I think some of the same people will be coming to that, so I need to change out several items and freshen up my display before then to give them something different to look at.

But even at a good show like this, there are always one or two things that make me roll my eyes. On this occasion, it was the lack of any handtowels in the bathroom, and the fact that the hostess’ not-even-two year old was still awake at 9.30pm when I left….

I did a party last night for a group of older, moneyed ladies. I think there was only one other person in the room other than myself under the age of 50. Some observations on what differentiated this crowd from my usual party attendees:

* They are not big spenders. The average order was $37, compared to $65 at another recent party with a younger group.
* They were mostly buying stuff for gifts, not for themselves.
* As a result, not one of the 16 women in attendance could be enticed to book a party to get free products.
* Only 2 of the 16 had an email address.
* Only 2 of the 16 paid by credit card - the rest with check or cash.
* All the check numbers were really high, because they’ve been with the same bank for 30 years!

A customer called me today out of the blue. She attended one of my parties 7 months ago. She wanted to exchange the item she ordered because she just opened it this week and it has a chip in it. Umm…no! The 90 day exchange policy was clearly stated on her receipt. Sears or Target would apply exactly the same criteria. We don’t even carry that item anymore - it was in our holiday line! If we did, I might have offered to get her a replacement at half price with my consultant discount; but I can’t even do that since it’s no longer available. Maybe that’ll teach her to check the stuff when it arrives, rather than waiting two seasons.

Right now I have three potential recruits for my team.

One doesn’t have the money for the startup kit.
One doesn’t have an email address or a working computer.
One doesn’t want to do any home parties.

Houston, we have a problem (or three).

At the party I did last night, someone brought along their 6 year old son and he was permitted to watch “Bee Movie” while I did my presentation…4 feet away. So I had to compete with Jerry Seinfeld and Renee Zellweger for the crowd’s attention.

My listeners were also distracted by the antics of the hostess’ exuberant dog. He was fond of jumping on everyone, snatching food out of people’s hands, and chewing all my pens. The hostess kept saying “He’s very clean!” Yeah lady, that may be the case, but that still doesn’t mean I want him gnawing my supplies. Why she couldn’t confine him to an adjacent room is beyond me.

On the plus side, upon my departure the hostess pulled me aside and said, “You do a very good party. I would recommend you.”

We were unable to process your credit card transaction with the supplied card. Please try another card.

My hostess’s debit card was just declined. She didn’t have enough in her checking account to cover the shipping and tax on her free items until payday. The total was less than $14.

I guess this is the sobering reality for many of my hostesses and customers. Gas (at $3.65 a gallon as of today) takes precedence over my products when money is tight - and rightly so. I’m fortunate enough to have a husband who earns a good income, and I can’t imagine having that little in the bank. This was a wake-up call as to what many people are facing.

Direct sales consultants who don’t proofread their customer newsletters. I received one from a consultant for another company today:

Come Join Us! Start your xxxxx business before April 14th and qualify within your first 30 days, and in addition to commission and xxxxx dollars, you can also earn xxxxx free!

The problem? It’s April 22nd today….

Hostesses who don’t distribute the products to their guests in a timely manner. Yesterday I just heard from a customer who has not yet received her order from a late-February party. I know for a fact that the hostess has been driving around with it in her car trunk for over a month, and she only lives one town away from the guest. What is so hard about dropping it off? Now we have passed the time window for a free exchange if the item is defective. I’m just praying the item is in good shape, otherwise I’ll be shipping it back on my dime -and it’s heavy! Grrrrr…..